so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
