Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
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note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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