whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
what day is it and did you see me today?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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