is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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