She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize