she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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