from now on my penis is your penis
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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