My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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