it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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