He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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