I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
