I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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