It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
