I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
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she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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