I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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