He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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