i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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