Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
