Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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