Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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