I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
