YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
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Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize