Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
