is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
