i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
