i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
