so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
