Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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