Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
