Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
