In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
