Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
