He asked to "fluff my boner.."
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Let's get the cat blown out
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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