Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
