dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
there is glitter all over my balls
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
