So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
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But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
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I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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