omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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