is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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