A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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