I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
