We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
