Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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