Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
