I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When are your genitals available?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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