Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
