How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
