420 ftw
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
