so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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