he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Damn victory sex feels great
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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