based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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