I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
