she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
