just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Who died my cat blue again?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
