I have demons in me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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