And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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