Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
