He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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