If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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