you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
