just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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