He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
