what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
