Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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