stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
