oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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