I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I AM VODKA MAN
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
