she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
