There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
