i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
