I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
