Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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