last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
