I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
